Letter from The Kringles
Dear Friends,
Merry Christmas! (And Happy Hanukkah, Goldenmeyers.) We have had a productive and wonderful year up here at The North Pole and I just can't wait to tell you all about it!
By the time you read this, Kris is probably zipping around up there in the night sky, spreading joy and reindeer droppings all over the world, bringing toys to all the good little boys and girls. If you see him and those nine snorting terrors, be sure to say hello! He's very busy, but he's as needy as any other man. And don't you dare let him have any of those cookies! Kris has been having a lot of trouble processing sugar as of late and we certainly don't want to exacerbate his condition, do we? Be good for goodness sake!
One thing I'm absolutely chomping at the bit to tell you about is the Orbital Christmas Asteroid that Santa and the elves have been working on all year! POL-1 is currently in drydock in high orbit around the Earth and we are proud to announce that construction is ahead of schedule and we fully expect to meet this year's quota of 70% completion! POL-1 is a state of the art gift manufacturing and distribution facility that will be able to disseminate (Don't worry, it's not a bad word. I've just been playing more Scrabble!) presents all over the world from the all-reaching height of space! The elves have been working day and night on the station, and aside from some unfortunate losses due to sudden explosive decompression, there's been nary a bump in the road!
For the first time ever, it will be possible for the elves to forego their yearly Christmas Eve vacation, as they will be responsible for manning POL-1's vast array of cannon banks! Firing presents at lightning speeds and with precision aim, the elves will fire all sorts of Christmas joy into the homes of all those on the Nice list. All those on the Naughty list will receive a plentiful amount of coal from those same cannons, you can be sure. (Especially those godless Iraqis. Such crass manners in the face of liberation.)
For the first time in...well, ever...Kris will be able to take the night off and no longer will I have to face the happiest night of the year alone. I am very much looking forward to this, as I am convinced that this stress is why Kris and I have not been able to conceive. (We have been trying, you can be sure of that. Though a child seems to be the one present Santa cannot bring.)
But we are all in good health and want for nothing else, so one must be ever-thankful for that. The elves remain productive, hearty, and non-unionized. The reindeer spend their days and nights frisking gaily in the Candy Cane Forest while Frosty is happy in silent, hatless contemplation. Occasionally the Polar Express will arrive ferrying a young boy or girl who has lost faith in my dear dear Santa, but they are soon stripped of this notion, given puddings, and sent on their way.
(Dear me, I just had a thought. With the completion of the asteroid nearing this may very well be the last year we see the train. I must prepare an extra holly jolly reception for them this year.)
I'm afraid I'll have to go now. The elves have just topped off my goblet of egg nog and the night is still young. From Santa and I, we wish you all the very merriest Christmas!
Sincerely,
Mr. & Mrs. Claus
Merry Christmas! (And Happy Hanukkah, Goldenmeyers.) We have had a productive and wonderful year up here at The North Pole and I just can't wait to tell you all about it!
By the time you read this, Kris is probably zipping around up there in the night sky, spreading joy and reindeer droppings all over the world, bringing toys to all the good little boys and girls. If you see him and those nine snorting terrors, be sure to say hello! He's very busy, but he's as needy as any other man. And don't you dare let him have any of those cookies! Kris has been having a lot of trouble processing sugar as of late and we certainly don't want to exacerbate his condition, do we? Be good for goodness sake!
One thing I'm absolutely chomping at the bit to tell you about is the Orbital Christmas Asteroid that Santa and the elves have been working on all year! POL-1 is currently in drydock in high orbit around the Earth and we are proud to announce that construction is ahead of schedule and we fully expect to meet this year's quota of 70% completion! POL-1 is a state of the art gift manufacturing and distribution facility that will be able to disseminate (Don't worry, it's not a bad word. I've just been playing more Scrabble!) presents all over the world from the all-reaching height of space! The elves have been working day and night on the station, and aside from some unfortunate losses due to sudden explosive decompression, there's been nary a bump in the road!
For the first time ever, it will be possible for the elves to forego their yearly Christmas Eve vacation, as they will be responsible for manning POL-1's vast array of cannon banks! Firing presents at lightning speeds and with precision aim, the elves will fire all sorts of Christmas joy into the homes of all those on the Nice list. All those on the Naughty list will receive a plentiful amount of coal from those same cannons, you can be sure. (Especially those godless Iraqis. Such crass manners in the face of liberation.)
For the first time in...well, ever...Kris will be able to take the night off and no longer will I have to face the happiest night of the year alone. I am very much looking forward to this, as I am convinced that this stress is why Kris and I have not been able to conceive. (We have been trying, you can be sure of that. Though a child seems to be the one present Santa cannot bring.)
But we are all in good health and want for nothing else, so one must be ever-thankful for that. The elves remain productive, hearty, and non-unionized. The reindeer spend their days and nights frisking gaily in the Candy Cane Forest while Frosty is happy in silent, hatless contemplation. Occasionally the Polar Express will arrive ferrying a young boy or girl who has lost faith in my dear dear Santa, but they are soon stripped of this notion, given puddings, and sent on their way.
(Dear me, I just had a thought. With the completion of the asteroid nearing this may very well be the last year we see the train. I must prepare an extra holly jolly reception for them this year.)
I'm afraid I'll have to go now. The elves have just topped off my goblet of egg nog and the night is still young. From Santa and I, we wish you all the very merriest Christmas!
Sincerely,
Mr. & Mrs. Claus
posted by greenland at 2:40 PM
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