Letter from A Weary Dictator
MONDAY:
Took in a citizens parade and flag demonstration honoring me. Hundreds of tiny little children in leotards flinging themselves upwards and about in complex configurations. Very impressive. I nearly clapped. Afterwards was presented with a large fiery ruby dubbed "The Heart Of Your People" by the troupe master Quincy. Quincy? QUINCY? Immediately decreed that all men in the Empire would hereby adopt tougher names and all women in the Empire hereby adopt prettier names. All those not in accordance would be killed. Quincy, for his service to the Empire, was spared death. Instead, I ordered him and his family stripped of all possessions, titles and demoted into the lower caste.
Lunch was roasted duck in a very light, pleasing sauce. I did not know the name of it and the cook was too frightened of me to answer my query, so I had him buried in a swamp.
TUESDAY:
Dropped in on the construction of my new Mountain Tower. Its fearsome spires and delicate carvings are an absolute wonder to behold. The mountain itself is being carved into a flowing, monstrous visage of myself. I cannot wait to take up residence within it. I shall have to properly reward the artisans working on it. Perhaps I will gift them each a Mediterranean country when all is said and done.
During dinner with my generals I accidentally cut my finger trying to slice up an apple. Idiot idiot idiot! I played it cool and let the blood drip into a nearby chalice, then ordered each general to take a sip. "Now we are forever bonded," I intoned. "My blood is your blood, and betrayal by blood is the most unforgiving sin of all." They all went white as sheets! Pretty clever, if I do say so myself.
WEDNESDAY:
Didn't get a lot of sleep. Had that nightmare again. The one where the ghosts of all the people I've wronged fill my fortress halls, moaning and rattling their chains. I would have them killed if they weren't already dead. Who can sleep with all that racket?
I was in a slump for the rest of the day, so to cheer myself up I commissioned a painting of myself set against the blazing sun. The portrait will be on Empire currency by the beginning of next week.
THURSDAY:
Had a good day. Went up to Orbitos Station in space to check on the advances being made on the terraforming of Australia, which is being molded to resemble my closed fist. I can't wait until we are able to show the finished product to the people!
Skipped lunch today. I seem to be growing an unsettling paunch that luckily my armor hides. Plus all that atmospheric differentiation. It's not good for the digestion.
FRIDAY:
Barosk uncovered a large cell of rebel leaders this morning. In retaliation, rebel cells all over the world have staged attacks on major cities. In turn, we broadcast footage of the rebel leaders being executed in the life-size grape masher over every channel. I know, I know, we should have interrogated them first, but I just wasn't feeling it.
The city of Paris protested this. Can you believe it? I sure couldn't, so I nuked them into rubble. Man, I hate people. Why did I choose to RULE over them all? God...(Pre-Empire, before I replaced every faith with worship of myself)...I can be so stupid sometimes.
Took in a citizens parade and flag demonstration honoring me. Hundreds of tiny little children in leotards flinging themselves upwards and about in complex configurations. Very impressive. I nearly clapped. Afterwards was presented with a large fiery ruby dubbed "The Heart Of Your People" by the troupe master Quincy. Quincy? QUINCY? Immediately decreed that all men in the Empire would hereby adopt tougher names and all women in the Empire hereby adopt prettier names. All those not in accordance would be killed. Quincy, for his service to the Empire, was spared death. Instead, I ordered him and his family stripped of all possessions, titles and demoted into the lower caste.
Lunch was roasted duck in a very light, pleasing sauce. I did not know the name of it and the cook was too frightened of me to answer my query, so I had him buried in a swamp.
TUESDAY:
Dropped in on the construction of my new Mountain Tower. Its fearsome spires and delicate carvings are an absolute wonder to behold. The mountain itself is being carved into a flowing, monstrous visage of myself. I cannot wait to take up residence within it. I shall have to properly reward the artisans working on it. Perhaps I will gift them each a Mediterranean country when all is said and done.
During dinner with my generals I accidentally cut my finger trying to slice up an apple. Idiot idiot idiot! I played it cool and let the blood drip into a nearby chalice, then ordered each general to take a sip. "Now we are forever bonded," I intoned. "My blood is your blood, and betrayal by blood is the most unforgiving sin of all." They all went white as sheets! Pretty clever, if I do say so myself.
WEDNESDAY:
Didn't get a lot of sleep. Had that nightmare again. The one where the ghosts of all the people I've wronged fill my fortress halls, moaning and rattling their chains. I would have them killed if they weren't already dead. Who can sleep with all that racket?
I was in a slump for the rest of the day, so to cheer myself up I commissioned a painting of myself set against the blazing sun. The portrait will be on Empire currency by the beginning of next week.
THURSDAY:
Had a good day. Went up to Orbitos Station in space to check on the advances being made on the terraforming of Australia, which is being molded to resemble my closed fist. I can't wait until we are able to show the finished product to the people!
Skipped lunch today. I seem to be growing an unsettling paunch that luckily my armor hides. Plus all that atmospheric differentiation. It's not good for the digestion.
FRIDAY:
Barosk uncovered a large cell of rebel leaders this morning. In retaliation, rebel cells all over the world have staged attacks on major cities. In turn, we broadcast footage of the rebel leaders being executed in the life-size grape masher over every channel. I know, I know, we should have interrogated them first, but I just wasn't feeling it.
The city of Paris protested this. Can you believe it? I sure couldn't, so I nuked them into rubble. Man, I hate people. Why did I choose to RULE over them all? God...(Pre-Empire, before I replaced every faith with worship of myself)...I can be so stupid sometimes.
posted by greenland at 10:58 PM
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