Letter from an Occupod
Hello friends,
As you may assume, an Occupod is a living quarters attached to the ocean floor through the mighty force of suction. There is a circular main portion (flattened and shaped much like a tuna can with softened rims) surrounded by eight spherical pods attached to the main portion and all equidistant from each other.
You might think this should be called an Octopod, but Occupod is just as apt. "Oc" is derived from the Latin "hoc", which stands for "this" or "for this". "Cu" stems from "cui" which in its neutral use was used to signify "to whom". And "pod" is "foot". Occupod. "To whom this foot?"
(Yes, it should really be called an Octopod.)
Each pod was built for and has a singular purpose, regardless of when, why, and how many times I violate them. Let me tell you a little bit about them.
Food - This is where I keep my food and my beer. In contrast to the sub-zero temperatures of the outside environment, the Occupod is internally heated to keep me comfortable, so there's a refridgerator in the Food pod for stuff that needs to keep cold. You should know: there's no irony here under the ocean. The sea is cold and unforgiving of it.
Bathroom - You know what I do in here. You're always watching.
Saddle Creek - Why does everyone make fun of these musicians? I think they're really great and I love how they're not afraid to work with other musical styles in order to get across what they want to say.
Poseidon Adventure - This is the pod where I pretend I'm in The Poseidon Adventure. Any character! Even Borgnine. This usually gets to be pretty awesome.
Guilt - This is where I go to relive all the stupid things I've done through my life, no matter how insignificant or forgotten. Over and over and over in my head. For hours at a time. I sleep in this pod a lot. At one point I was going to call this pod Purgatory but I couldn't believe how stupid I was being.
Murder Mystery - Someone ALWAYS gets killed in here! Usually it's the giant squid's fault. He's always hanging around outside the giant porthole to this pod and he's a terrible liar.
Escape - This is an escape pod should I ever choose to go to the surface or not make rent. This pod is like a miniature version of the Occupod, equipped with a seperate power supply and the basics of what I would need to survive should the Occupod itself fail.
Metafictional - This is where I write about myself writing about myself writing about myself. I'll be damned if I let anyone but myself or my publisher prove that, though.
The really neat thing about these pods is that they're all attached to a track that circles the outside of the main portion, so I can push a button and change their positions any time I want. I don't know what purpose this serves, but I like the idea. And it confuses the squid to no end.
I'm so bad at ending letters. I never know what to say or if I'm forgetting something I meant to say. Well, anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I'm still pretending you exist and am thinking of you. I should be back on the surface as soon as I flush this down the toilet.
Take care!
As you may assume, an Occupod is a living quarters attached to the ocean floor through the mighty force of suction. There is a circular main portion (flattened and shaped much like a tuna can with softened rims) surrounded by eight spherical pods attached to the main portion and all equidistant from each other.
You might think this should be called an Octopod, but Occupod is just as apt. "Oc" is derived from the Latin "hoc", which stands for "this" or "for this". "Cu" stems from "cui" which in its neutral use was used to signify "to whom". And "pod" is "foot". Occupod. "To whom this foot?"
(Yes, it should really be called an Octopod.)
Each pod was built for and has a singular purpose, regardless of when, why, and how many times I violate them. Let me tell you a little bit about them.
Food - This is where I keep my food and my beer. In contrast to the sub-zero temperatures of the outside environment, the Occupod is internally heated to keep me comfortable, so there's a refridgerator in the Food pod for stuff that needs to keep cold. You should know: there's no irony here under the ocean. The sea is cold and unforgiving of it.
Bathroom - You know what I do in here. You're always watching.
Saddle Creek - Why does everyone make fun of these musicians? I think they're really great and I love how they're not afraid to work with other musical styles in order to get across what they want to say.
Poseidon Adventure - This is the pod where I pretend I'm in The Poseidon Adventure. Any character! Even Borgnine. This usually gets to be pretty awesome.
Guilt - This is where I go to relive all the stupid things I've done through my life, no matter how insignificant or forgotten. Over and over and over in my head. For hours at a time. I sleep in this pod a lot. At one point I was going to call this pod Purgatory but I couldn't believe how stupid I was being.
Murder Mystery - Someone ALWAYS gets killed in here! Usually it's the giant squid's fault. He's always hanging around outside the giant porthole to this pod and he's a terrible liar.
Escape - This is an escape pod should I ever choose to go to the surface or not make rent. This pod is like a miniature version of the Occupod, equipped with a seperate power supply and the basics of what I would need to survive should the Occupod itself fail.
Metafictional - This is where I write about myself writing about myself writing about myself. I'll be damned if I let anyone but myself or my publisher prove that, though.
The really neat thing about these pods is that they're all attached to a track that circles the outside of the main portion, so I can push a button and change their positions any time I want. I don't know what purpose this serves, but I like the idea. And it confuses the squid to no end.
I'm so bad at ending letters. I never know what to say or if I'm forgetting something I meant to say. Well, anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I'm still pretending you exist and am thinking of you. I should be back on the surface as soon as I flush this down the toilet.
Take care!
posted by greenland at 9:42 PM
