Friday, April 01, 2005

Letter from Someone A Tad Obsessed

I am going to draw a circle but I'll need all the chalk you've got. You have a box in your garage, don't you? It's lain untouched since your kids became preoccupied by things other than doodling on the street. I'm sure you're happy not to have to wash all of that off the gravel now, but I bet you're also wondering what invisible boundary they've crossed...what happened to them over the course of last winter that shaved off a slice of their innocence? Should you be concerned?

The circle is for something big, and it's going to take me a moment to carve it into existence. There. Now stand inside. This is Everything we've got our sandals resting on. All. One. Entirety of Eternity. The Universe. Let that fact whistle through your mind for a moment, sink a toe into the torrent of ponderance that we all succumb to in our strongest moments. You'll need the power of those rapids, I assure you. Ignore the potholes in the avenue, or rather, assign them a metaphorical standing within the laws of physics. That one over there filled with that black crumbly sealcoat that can barely withstand the rain let alone traffic...that can be a galaxy made of dark matter. Or black holes. Or, simply, it can be entropy. Whatever you like.

I'm going to draw another circle about 1/32nd the size of this big'un here. Don't let it bug you. It's the cloudy cluster of galaxies, millions upon millions, that we're a part of. There are lots of these in the circle, but I'm not gonna spend my time sketching every single one of them in, understand. Ours is probably the best one anyway. Just kidding. No I'm not.

Aaaaaaand...dot! There. Milky Way Galaxy at your service. It looks about as big as nothing. An ant could build itself an opera house on this dot, but that'd be about it. How do you feel about that? Ants building over our galaxy? It stirs something primal in you, even though you know I'm joking, doesn't it? Even though you can't even see the dot I made from where you're standing? You're just trusting me that it's here, that I brought it into existence, and that it is us and therefore worth defending for, worth fighting for. Don't turn around now, there's an ocean of imagined importance lapping at your heels. And you without your swimmies.

I'm gonna make this a little easier, scooch over. Another circle out here, beyond the circle that contains Everything. This is an extreme magnification of our galaxy, the swirl of stars, gravity and smoke, and obscene forces that keep us bound. This circle is pretty nice, I'll bet your saying, and I would say thank you for noticing the effort I've put into making perfectly spherical circles, but what's your point? From here it just looks like a batch of twinkly oatmeal that's escaped its bowl.

Take a look at this. DOT. That's our solar system. A tiny grain in the cosmic cereal. Destined to get moldy from disuse, become swallowed into a ravenous astronomical maw, or inadvertently disappear should my sandal accidentally swiffer the chalk from the pavement. Whoops. There goes about five billion years of development.

Now follow me over this way because what's really frustrating is that even a super-magnified dot in itself needs to be super-magnified, and what's even more frustrating is that it's starting to get bitchingly hot out here and the furnace drafts from this black pavement aren't helping. I used to like laying down and cooking myself on ground like this, you know. It felt wonderful in a laxadasial way. Like melting, but without the pain. You get suffused over and over until even the pavement itself isn't enough to keep you warm. Heat escapes us, chum. The universe wants it back. Hey, don't blame me for the bad news. You know where the circle is, take your beef on over to Everything there.

Good news. While you were gone I drew a bunch more circles. This is our solar system, this is Earth, this is our continent, our country, our state, our town. I'm back to dots now, so unless you've got more bones to pick with entities then mosey yourself down on farther to this other circle here. This is our town, here's our neighborhood, here's us.

Stay with me, this is almost over and I've got pudding pops in my freezer. One more enormous circle that encompasses the road here. Herrre we go. You know, if any yahoo takes a picture of this from above they're gonna get some pretty strange ideas. That's circles for you. Perfect shape, you know. Unassailable from any direction, not a single flat two-dimensional plane in sight, no weak points...if you get my drift. Nature knows how to be.

Okay, big circle, this is you. This tiny circle here is your heart, and the reason it's not bigger here is because you're a complete Scrooge when it comes to hosting and hospitality. Wouldn't kill you to babysit once in a while, throw a barbeque, inject a little flavor into your life. I wouldn't even be hanging out with you if I wasn't a complete nutcase. You're lucky.

There's a dot in your heart, and that means one of two things. You've got a blood clot and I would lay off the 69 cent soft tacos or that's a biological cell, one of millions, that constitute your most precious organ. Here, you can have your chalk back, I'm done drawing and I'll show you why.

Goodness me! Here we are back at the first circle, the Everything! This used to be a dot way down yonder there in that other circle that represents you but now we've fleshed it out, made it bigger, given it some sharper definition. There's that circle over that used to be our cluster of galaxies, now it's mitochondria. And that dot, well that's a molecule.

Next circle. Used to be a galaxy, and it still kinda is, except it's made of atoms now.

Next circle. Solar system? I wish. Electrons, my boy, rotating around a central nucleus. Used to be the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, blah blah blah. Now they're just energy. I'd check and make sure Uranus is still around, but that's something that's between you and the lord God.

Now Earth...it used to be such a pretty circle until it become a nucleus containing its own network of subatomic quarks/continents and other widgets/countries/states and macguffins/towns. Keep traveling down the circles until you find yourself again. I dare ya.

Don't give me that tired look there, buster. I drew all this for a reason and now you're gonna entertain me by finding it. Keep following the circles, down or up, it doesn't matter. Or rather, you'll find it doesn't matter. When you're done traveling through all of these circles, when you think you've finally found the end, come see me. I'll be asleep in my chair on the back porch.

Nah, go on! It'll be fun. You'll either expand your horizons considerably and begin to connect the human mind and societal relationships with the outlying patterns of the universe...or you'll kill yourself after you realize humankind has no hope of reaching beyond its own futility when the universe itself is constantly repeating the same pattern of behavior.

Better hurry or I'll eat all the pudding pops. I love those things. Goddamn.